Last year I asked some friends via email a question about how many senses they thought we have. Some took the question at face value and responded with the typical 5 we are taught at school. Some responded with an extra here or there. One friend included a more comprehensive list and it included 'the mummy sense'. As she said "You know the one where you just know something is going to happen right before it does, or when you just know that that game is going to end in tears minutes from now, or when you wake just before your baby does." She felt it was hard to pin down exactly what sense it actually is, it looked almost like an instinct (except dads don't have it in the same way, nor do non-parents).
Perhaps she was talking about what what we call 'intuition'.
Intuition is our ability to tap into our inner wisdom, to 'know' what is right, what is going to happen next or whether we need more information to make a decision. While it seems to happen without thinking, it seems that our decision or feeling actually arises after extremely rapid analysis of the information at hand, our brain comparing this information to it's database of experience or knowledge, and making a judgement.
It is not unusual when parents call or email to organize a consultation for them to describe a sense that 'something' is not quite right, that they 'feel' their child is capable of more, or that there is more to the story than the analysis they have been given by teachers, family or even medicos. Most indicte that this feeling is accompanied by a physical sensation, a tension of sorts, what is sometimes described as a 'gut feeling'. And given that there doesn't appear to be 'proof' or certainty to back this feeling these same parents often mirror the doubt expresssed by others about it, and many virtually apologise for mentioning it.
I find it interesting that we doubt our intuition so readily. We even doubt it with the same conviction that we doubt the child who correctly completes maths problems with no evidence of having worked them out. They cant possibly 'just know'...... the working out is evidence of the certainty.... It seems our intuition is effectively silenced by the need for 'proof'. If we cant be sure, we should not trust our own conviction.
And yet the parents (it is mostly mothers who call me) are very often right. They are aware that something just isn't quite right, something doesn't sit completely comfortably with all that they know. They aren't looking for their child to be something they are not (actually many express a wish for their child to be 'normal' at some point on their journey, although exactly what that is no-one seems to be clear). These parents are looking for ways to help their child be all that they can be. It is perhaps most common with parents of gifted children with learning difficulties, particularly where the child has been compensating sufficiently well to avoid attracting too much attention to their difficulties, nor falling behind.
Trusting our instincts or intent might be the best thing we can do for our child (and ultimately for ourselves). If we can overlook the lack of certainty, and trust that our brain has tapped our inner wisdom, we can be confident that we are on the right track.
My advice to parents when we discuss this 'gut feeling' that something is not quite right is, in many cases, to trust their own judgement. If they feel like they don't have all the answers they need, keep searching. They may not turn up straight away but trust that looking means they will in time.
If we remember that everything we learn or try adds to our mental data base and that our brain will scan this new information as well before it settles on an 'intuitive' decision, we can perhaps feel a little more confident in heeding this sense.
It can be difficult not to defer to those we perceive as 'experts', particularly in relation to education (or health), but don't be tempted to assume that anyone knows your child better than you do. If you feel that what you have been told doesnt sit quite right, trust yourself. Keep looking.
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