My Child Won't Read......

This is something I hear from parents on a regular basis.

Sometimes a child ‘wont’ read because it is hard work, they are tired, or the material simply isn’t engaging. Sometimes it is a sort of power play – they have to go to school all day and do as they are told. Pushing back is their way of reclaiming a little power over their day, something it is usually safer to do that at home rather than at school. For some the marks on the page simply don’t make sense. For yet others with a vivid imagination reading late in the day means their brain is fired up and thinking about the story rather than drifting off to sleep.

While just because a child ‘won’t’ read doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem although it may do. Being observant about what your child is doing when reading (or faced with a book) can help you work out what to focus on, where to look next. And intervening early if there is a problem of some sort greatly increases the chances of a positive outcome.

If there are undiagnosed vision issues, then reading can be hard work. If the eyes don’t work together effectively, the child’s field of focus might make it difficult to see a whole word clearly, it could be hard for them to maintain their place and track effectively from left to right across a page and back to the start of the next line. The words could swim on the page, the white spaces seeming more obvious than the printed words. Shiny pages can be reflective and difficult to read easily. Or the print could simply be too small to see easily. Acuity (seeing clearly) is a completely separate issue to visual processing, and the problem is sometimes subtle and needs to be checked by a behavioural optometrist (not just an eye check). Closely observing the child’s reading behaviour can shed valuable light on whethere there might be a vision problem.

If the child has any problem with focusing, then they will be tired at the end of a day, particularly a school day when there has been constant demand on their ability to focus. Reading first thing in the morning might be more successful in this case.

Some children need movement to calm their system and so sitting still to read is a difficult. Reading in a hammock can help with the sensory issues and allow the brain to focus on the words on the page and making sense of them.

Gifted children in particular often find beginning reading books quite innane. Many do not have a real story line, rather they are just a collection of words or repetitive phrases. If this is the child's experience of ‘reading books’, then they may resist reading more of them, especially if the stories that are being read to them are rich and complex. I have in the past had to resort to writing stories (utilising words from the common words lists) on topics of interest for gifted children when they were beginning to read. I know other parents who have done the same to avoid the frustration of beginner readers that are sent home.

Some have a strong need to be correct and may be reluctant to demonstrate their reading ability if they think they might make a mistake. They may choose simple books, rather than ones which will increase their reading skills, resisting anything more appropriate. They may want to know what the story is about or what happens before they begin to read, so they can use that information to help them predict should they find themselves in a tight spot. Some don’t like to be put on the spot, so will only read for a familiar and comfortable adult (who may not be the teacher!). You might need to try stealth reading if this is the case, as I did with my young nephew as he was just beginning to read. Instead of asking him to read a book I knew he could read, I just started writing, knowing he would be unable to resist checking what I was doing. By keeping it within his skill level, he was reading over my shoulder, and directing me what to write next within minutes. Other parents write notes, some leave messages about where to find the TV remote (or similar), some get their children reading via treasure hunt clues, or love letters. You just might need to get creative about what reading looks like.

For some children, learning to read via phonics is problematic. Unless their preferred sense is engaged, whether it is visual, auditory or kinesthetic, it will be harder than it need be. Listen to the language your child uses, be alert to their preferences for learning in other areas to see whether you may need to engage another sense or use some additional strategies to hook them into reading and give them some success.

Then there are those children who start school and expect to return home being able to read. All at once. After all they have probably been told by some well-meaning adult(s) that they will ‘learn to read when they go to school’. I remember, many years ago, the daughter of a friend of ours, the youngest of three children, who had been waiting and waiting to start school like her sisters. She came home distraught on the first day, because she ‘couldn’t read yet’ – that was what she had expected to happen. She hadn’t anticipated that it was a process and she had to work at it.

Remember that when we read our children don’t see all the steps in the process prior to the words leaving our mouth. They don’t see that first we must recognise letters, or the shapes of letters, recognise a word or mentally ‘sounding out’ an unfamiliar one, they don’t see us scan for context or picture clues or keeping our place. They only see and hear us read. So they presume that that is all there is to it. When in reality it is like any other skill, we become proficient with the right conditions, and practice. 

‘Won’t’ doesn’t always mean ‘can’t’. But it is worth being observant and checking it out, just in case.

For example: Image courtesy of David Castello Dominici  FreeDigitalPhotos.net

All advice is not equal

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with information. More new information is produced each year (perhaps in an even shorter time frame) than our grandparents would have been exposed to in their lifetime. Sights, sounds and words constantly fill our lives and an answer can quickly be found to any question that may come to mind.

All this information makes it vitally important that we think critically about the messages, images, information and advice we are exposed to, especially at times when we are under pressure. When we feel unsure or overwhelmed, our ‘critical-literacy-guard’ is likely to be down and we are susceptible to taking what we are offered at face value, sort of ‘grasping at straws’, only seeing or hearing the bits that fit with our world view of the moment.

Our children, growing up in the ‘Information Age’ learn to evaluate websites, to understand the conventions of film and television and how to interpret the message in written material. They learn to analyze and evaluate information and to develop an understanding that language, as a social construct, is never neutral. Behind the words are messages and we can use words to inform, persuade, entertain and even manipulate. Sometimes what isn’t said has more importance than what is. We need to make sure we too evaluate and think critially, even though many of us have become digitally literate a little later in life than our children. 

In these times of information excess it is a simple matter for anyone to publish their thoughts in one of the many forms of media. Anyone can present themselves as an ‘expert’. The problem with everyone being an ‘expert’ is that everyone feels qualified to give advice.

The reality is not all advice is equal.

We need to assess not only the qualification of the person giving the advice, but any hidden agenda they may have, any constraints on the information they can or do share, the way it is represented (perhaps as the ‘only logical solution’) any connotations attached. And what they might not have said.

When we are new to something, or feeling overwhelmed by a situation, it can be easy to accept what we are told, without placing it in context, or thinking about it from different angles. Social media, while it can be a great way to find support and even information, can also increase the likelihood that we will succumb to ‘group think’, the tendency within a group to reach a consensus decision (and avoid conflict) without actually critically evaluating other points of view or really considering alternative courses of action. Or be influenced by a point made repeatedly, whether it is helpful to us or not, let alone accurate.

We have all done it, grasped what looked like ‘the’ answer, only to find later that it was actually a part of the answer, or that the information it contained led us down a path that turned out to be a detour.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind as you evaluate advice or information, especially relating to your child or a situation you would like to see changed.

Details matter – consider the difference between the word ‘will’ and ‘may’ for instance. As far as policy goes, this is a big one but it also applies in many other situations.

Question authorities – everyone has an agenda. Sometimes even those we might consider ‘experts’ don’t know what they don’t know. Consider information in the light of what else you know and other information that is available.

Beware of sweeping statements – very few things apply equally to us all. It can look comforting if we are told that a particular option or intervention works for ‘everyone’, but in reality, it rarely does. Even attending school which is a fairly universal experience in modern cultures isn’t for everyone.

Watch for bias – our own as well as that of the person offering the advice. It can influence what we hear as well as what is said.

Our intuition can be a good guide too, if we tune into it, especially if we couple it with a good dose of critical thinking.

How’s your today?

 

I should have known better.................

A neighbour runs several flocks of sheep on our farm and, over the last few years, I have come to the conclusion that sheep really aren't very smart. I could give you a bunch of examples, but let's leave it as a conclusion I have come to via observation.

 

In the flock that we see most often, there always seemed to be one sheep who was apart from the flock. Sometimes she seemed to be left behind, oblivious to the others moving on until the last moment when she followed bleeting. But on a recent occasion she was the only sheep munching away on a patch of grass well away from the rest, through an open gate and on the other side of a fence.

 

I made a comment about how dopey I thought this sheep was, not staying in the same areas as the others, at which point my husband made an insightful comment.

 

'Perhaps it is the only one capable of independent thought.'

 

Hmm. While I am not so sure it applies to sheep, I did feel a bit 'sheepish' at that point. I work with children and families who are often lateral thinkers, who see things differently and are quite clearly capable of independent thought. It was a good reminder not to only see what we are expecting to see and to avoid our tendency to make assumptions based on general perceptions. Instead of independent thought.

 

 

The Key is Confidence

When I talk to parents about advocacy, for many the missing ingredient is confidence.

 

They want to bring about change to something more suited to their child, but they worry about how to do it, whether they have enough information, whether they will become one of ‘those’ parents, even whether they have enough time in their busy schedules.

It is natural to worry about ‘getting it right’ but the reality is that if we wait until we are sure we have enough information or conditions are ‘just right’ then it probably wont happen. It isn't just in relation to education that this holds true – it is much the same in ‘life’. Most successful business people will tell you that when they started out they were far from ‘ready’, they learned as they went along. Advocacy is a lot like that at times.

Our belief that we can be successful or manage a task, also known as self-efficacy, has a strong impact on what we will attempt and, ultimately, how successful we will be. It affects the level of effort we will put in and how persistent we will be and it is task specific, so our confidence or ability in other areas doesn’t automatically transfer to our self efficacy in relation to advocating for our child.

Fortunately our confidence and belief that we can succeed is something we can ‘build’ if we need to. Here are a couple of things you can do.

• Set a goal and work towards it. If your long term goal sees too far in the future, set some shorter term goals to help you mark your progress towards the long term goal. Remember the old question ‘How do you eat an elephant?’ The answer “One mouthful at a time’ applies equally to reaching your goals, and to your advocacy efforts.
• Remind yourself of what you have already achieved. Spend a few minutes to reflect on what you have achieved already. Don't overlook the importance of little things, they add up to progress as well. Write out your list of achievements and maybe even put it somewhere you can see it every day. It is important to notice and celebrate your successes, even the little ones.
•  Watch your self-talk. Catching yourself before you allow your inner voice to undermine your efforts is worth the effort it takes. Replacing negative self-talk with more positive alternatives will help you stay on track.

Advocating for your child is an ongoing process, not a one-shot fix.

 

It will require you to be proactive, to become knowledgeable and at times to be creative in looking for solutions. You will need to be willing to work as a team with which ever school your child attends. But don't lose sight of the fact that you are an expert regarding your child.

 

And with a confidence boost you can change the world for them.

If you feel that you need some help to work through the process of gathering information, developing a plan and speaking to your child’s teachers or school, have a look at the information about the self-paced advocacy course for parents that I have just released.

 

When you sign up you will receive the 7 parts of the course delivered by email every second day over the course of two weeks. Each step will provide you with reading material, tasks to complete and links to further information.

 

While it draws on the process included in Gifted and Thriving at School: How proactive parents can get the education that fits their child, this course includes new information (including information about problem solving styles) not included in any of my other publications, plus tasks to complete as you work through the course. It will take you less than an hour most days and you can work at your own pace. If life intervenes, the material will be there waiting for when you can get back to it.

 

Want to know more? Follow this link and begin your advocacy journey.

 

Turn Information into Transformation with this new course for parents

School has started and it has only taken a few weeks for the cracks to begin to show in some cases. Some parents have discovered to their dismay that information they expected a new teacher to read hasn't been, others have discovered that promised provisions are taking a while to be put in place. Other families are noticing the relaxed and happy child of the school holidays is already a distant memory, replaced by the tense and fragile child of school term.

While many parents compiled a document for teachers based on the information in the  Welcome to the Wonderful and Challenging World of my Child post I wrote recently and spoke to teachers before school started, others wrote it up and held on to it with a 'wait and see' attitude. As few hoped it wouldn't be necessary but soon discovered it might help, or gained confidence from the positive comments of others who tried it.

Believing in yourself and your ability to be an effective advocate for your child is critical to your success. Now there is an easy way to do it.

In my experience, when parents are faced with the need to seek change for their children in order for them to thrive, they seem to fall into one of three broad categories.

1.    Those who get the information they need, treat the situation as a ‘problem’ to be solved and take action. They ask ‘What do I need to do?’ and ‘How do I do it?’

2.    Those who want to take action but hesitate. With a confidence boost and some direction these parents can become great advocates for their child. As they grow they also empower others.

3.    Those who can see the need but hope it will all go away. Even when there are day to day challenges coping with their child, they worry about making waves, and hope others will take responsibility. These parents often return wanting more help before long because action is required to change the situation.

When you read those descriptions, do you get a sense of the different mindset or feeling that each brings to the situation?

In order – Positive, Hesitant, Reluctant.

Can you imagine how that affects their outcomes?

Our belief about our ability to succeed at a task has a big impact on how much effort we will put in, how persistent we are and ultimately how successful we will be. I also believe it influences the language we use, our tone of voice and body language.

I won’t ask you which group you think you might fall into, but if you are hesitating or reluctant to advocate for your child take heart! You can build your skills and confidence as an advocate and it isn't too difficult to do.

I have just recently released a new self-paced course for parents that will take you step by step through the process of gathering information, planning, preparing, building positive relationships and confidently presenting your case to your child’s school or teachers. Once you sign up the course materials will arrive in your In Box every second day for two weeks and it should take you in an hour or less most days to complete the reading and tasks. By the end of the course you will have set up a file for your child, collected a range of information about them, set long and short term goals, developed a plan and have a check list for managing meetings and building positive relationships with teachers and the school.

If in the past just reading about what you should do hasn’t delivered the confidence you hoped for, this course could be what you need to turn information into transformation.

To find out more about this self-paced course for parents or sign up follow this link.

All the best on your journey!

 This image can be found at http://leverhawk.com/what-exactly-is-transformation-2012120454

 

Welcome to the Wonderful and Challenging World of My Child

or

Preparing for

A new school year begins very soon and some children and (parents) can’t wait to begin. Many however are not so enthusiastic. If the previous year, or years, have not been ideal the idea of another tough year can put a dampener on the preparations. 

 

Like most things a good beginning can make all the difference to how things turn out. This is an ideal time to be proactive and help set up a positive year.

Teachers are busy; they have a classroom full of children. At the beginning of the year, it is classroom full of new faces. Finding a way for your child’s face to stand out from the crowd can make a difference to how the year unfolds. If you are like I was, you probably hold your breath the first day or two of the school year as you wait to see how things turn out because you know that this can set the tone for what the year will hold. Putting together this document can make a big difference.

Even if your child is recognised as having ‘special needs’ of some sort, or is registered as a Student at Educational Risk (SAER), don’t assume a teacher knows all they need to about your child. Some teachers will make the effort to read a student’s file, some will not. Even for those who do, it may only be a cursory look. Reading student files is not always easy to do. Sometimes they are kept in a central location meaning a teacher can’t check on details as they needed and they may not be able to remove a file to read it at a time they can concentrate on the details. The information in student files are not always organised in a fashion that makes it easy to find key points. This is your chance to communicate information that they might not pick up, while also letting them know you are willing to work as a team for the best outcomes.

By putting together a short document with the key points in an easy to read format, you are not only doing what you can to ensure the year starts well for your child, you are also helping the teacher by giving them the best chance of positive start. Ideally it should only be 2 pages, a cover sheet and a single sheet with dot points outlining key points.

When you have put this together, try to make a time to speak to the teacher before the school year begins. Teachers have many duties in the days leading up to the start of school so try to keep the meeting fairly short. If you need to, organise another time you can sit down with them once they have met your child to go through a few key things in more detail. By keeping that first meeting fairly short you let them know it is important, but that you recognise they are busy. They may also have some questions for you by the time you meet again.

If there is more information that you want the teacher to read, perhaps reports from other professionals or previous intervention or support plans, put copies (never the originals) of these in an envelope. Give this to the teacher when you have finished your chat about the summary sheet, for them to read and digest later on.

Here is the format for a summary that I have found works well. Feel free to tweak it to suit your needs if you prefer.

Cover page

• Set up a cover page for your document with the heading ‘Welcome to the Wonderful and Challenging World of (insert child’s name)’. You might choose slightly different wording, but the idea is to make your child sound appealing but also acknowledge that there are a few challenges that come with falling outside the norm.
• Include a photograph of your child on the cover. Look for one that is a head shot, or head and body and where they look relaxed and happy. The idea is to insert the positive image into the teacher’s mind, so that when they look out across a classroom full of faces, your child’s face (and the info you include in the rest of the document) comes to mind.

Inside the document 

Include a couple of dot points about each of the following:

• Information about intellectual potential if you have it (or your best indication if you don't. You might find the Ruf Estimates helpful in working out level of giftedness)
• Any diagnoses or information about disabilities or different learning needs. You many have information from professionals to draw on here. Keep it short and to the point.
• Strengths – things your child does well. It could include information about how they learn best, what they are good at, what they enjoy, or personal characteristics (helpfulness, taking things literally etc). 
• Weaknesses – any identified weaknesses. These might be in learning, self-management, coping, socialisation, deliberate under-performance or another area.
• What works – what actions or interventions allow your child to function at their best. It may include strategies teachers have used in the past, or recommendations from professionals who have assessed your child.
• What doesn’t work - what pushes the child’s buttons, or what limits their ability to function optimally. This might include insights from previous years where teachers insisted on actions or behaviours that didn’t work well for your child. As a parent you probably know well what doesn’t work.
• A statement about working as a team for the best outcomes for everyone

My children are beyond the school years now but I have done this in the past, and found it can make a big difference, not only to how the teacher responds to your child, but also to your relationship with the teacher. And that is an important element in seeing your child thrive.

You might like to give it a try.

 

All the best for a wonderful year.

The Kitten or the Monkey

Recently I was reading Seth Godin's new book The Icarus Deception:How High Will You Fly? and I came across a story that I thought was perfect at this time of the year when thoughts turn to the new school year and parents wonder how things will play out, and whether or not they should act. Some parents are preparing their advocacy efforts and will be proactive, others will teeter, not sure whether they should speak up.

 

Perhaps the story of the Kitten and the Monkey might help you decide.

 

As Godin explains
When a kitten gets in trouble, its mother picks it up by the scruff of the neck, rescuing him and taking him to safety. 

A baby monkey on the other hand has no choice but to grab onto the back of its mother if he wants to escape.

One is rescued. The other rescues himself.

The monkey is being proactive. It 'saves' itself. It makes the choice to act and the outcome depends on it choosing to act. The alternative for the monkey is to remain in the less-than-ideal situation it finds itself in.

 

The kitten waits for someone to notice and act for it. It hands over its power, leaving itself at the whim of others.

 

Our cultural instinct is to wait to be noticed, or picked, or rewarded, rather than to stand up and draw attention, particularly with regard to schooling. But it is OK to choose to take action, to be proactive.

 

When school resumes you can decide whether the education your child is delivered meets their needs, or not. Chances you will have a good idea by the end of the first days of the school year. You can decide whether to wait for someone to notice it isn't working so well.

Or you can decide to be proactive and change the course of events.

 

You can choose to be the monkey. Or the kitten.

 

The outcomes will depend on your choice.

 

Photo from www.traveladventures.org